Scarlett Letters

It's January 3rd, and this is my first post of the new year. I'm late. Usually, I post my year in review either on the last day of the old year or the first of the new. So this is sort of emblematic of where I've been. I'd like it not to be emblematic of where I'm going. Still, for 2015, here's the scoop. As I did last year, I've edited down the number of questions to eliminate those that either no longer felt appropriate to me, or that I have answered consistently from year to year in more-or-less the same way.


1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?

• Made beef stew from scratch
  
• Commissioned a major household renovation (the upstairs bathroom)
  
• Helped organize a TEC meet at the Portland Money Show
  
• Attended the annual Health Literacy Conference in Portland, OR
  
• Saw "Cold Comfort Farm"
  
• Had a mammogram scare (that turned out to be nothing)
  
• Got two crowns put on my teeth

2. Did you make any New Year's Goals for 2015 and, if so, did you meet them?
I journaled more. And though it wasn’t listed here, I worked assiduously on the health literacy project at my day job, which has achieved a level of success and attention from upper management that is satisfying, but demands even more attention for me to really consider it successful.

3. Any goals for 2016?

• Attend more theater
  
• Journal more, especially about books and movies and being creative
  
• Live more healthfully
  
• Take one international trip
  
• Pursue one art consistently and achieve some level of competence.

4. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Miki! She brought little Zev into the world and it is a consummate goodness. I’m looking forward to meeting him.

5. Did anyone close to you die?
In July, bedii passed away after a long bout with cancer. And just five days ago, my cousin Paul. It’s wrecked me more than I expected. I think that’s because we had only just started to reconnect and I was feeling like I had more family, which is something that is scarce around here to begin with.


6. What cities and towns did you visit?

• Kent, WA
  
• Lake Quinault, WA
  
• Portland, OR
  
• Seatac, WA
  
• Woodinville, WA
  
• Spokane, WA
  
• Valencia, CA

7. What countries did you visit?
This year, none. I stayed in the US. I'm not happy about this, but it's the way things turned out. I very much want it to be different this year.

8. How many nights did you spend away from home?
30 nights exactly:

• Lake Quinault, WA (4)
  
• Woodinville, WA (1)
  
• Valencia, CA (3)
  
• Portland, OR (18)
  
• Spokane, WA (4)

9. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
As in 2015, more focus to nurture myself as an artist. More belief in myself and my worthiness for good things. And more travel, preferably out of the country.

10. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday, November 20: the day I arrived in southern California to learn that the chemo hadn’t been helping my cousin Paul (and in fact may have been exacerbating his condition) and that he had merely weeks to live. As it turned out, he had about five weeks from that day.

11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

• Finished a new short story, “Ghosts in the Machine”
  
• Launched the health literacy project at work
  
• Launched the bathroom renovation project
  
• Organized the TEC meeting at the Money Show in Portland
  
• Paying attention to the fact that I’m depressed and getting help for it

12. What was your biggest failure?
Not paying sufficient attention to my weight and health.

13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had to have two crowns put on my teeth. That’s a first. One tooth was cracked; the second had an old filling that was rotten. I have new teeth. That’s weird.

14. What was the best thing you bought?

• My new winter coat
  
• The photojournals of my 2012 Europe trip

15. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Several people really impressed me this year:

• My cousin Paul: He handled his illness with grace and determination.
  
• My new cousin Susan: who, in the face of losing a second husband in the space of five years, bore up with a kind of strength that I can only call awesome, in the literal sense of the word.
  
• davidlevine: who took admirable care of kate_yule this year as she dealt with the fallout from her cancer
  
• kate_yule: As she dealt with her cancer
  
• ladyjestocost: As she dealt with the fallout of bedii’s death
  
• alanh: As he dealt with his mother's decline
  
• randybyers: As he dealt with his cancer diagnosis

I hate that I'm admiring people for how they deal with adversity, because I hate it that they are having to deal with adversity. Living is not for the weak. ::sigh::

16. Whose behavior, what situations appalled and depressed you?
Appalled: The Republican party in Congress, as ever. Depressed: The number of people in my life who are dealing with devastating illness and death. I want my best beloveds to be happy and healthy.

17. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and paying down debt. The answer to this question rarely changes.

18. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?

• The TEC meeting in Portland
  
• The bathroom planning
  
• SIFF
  
• The Alice in Wonderland Kickstarter project

19. Compared to this time last year, you are . . .
Heavier and pretty frustrated about it. More financially stable. More determined than ever to give my inner artist space to breathe and grow.

20. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Save more money. Traveled internationally.

21. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wishing. Crying. Eating.

22. How did you spend Christmas?
With the usual gang of suspects: at ironymaiden’s place, and then at grubbstreet’s for dinner.

23. What were your favorite TV programs? Were there programs you stopped watching?
Favorites were Big Bang Theory, Downton Abbey, Sherlock, Orphan Black.

24. What was the best book you read?
“Tooth and Claw” by our own papersky (Jo Walton). Other top reads included “Mask of Apollo” by Mary Renault, “It’s Superman!” by Tom DeHaven, “Old Man’s War” by John Scalzi, “Starvation Heights” by Gregg Olsen, and “Silver on the Road” by our own suricattus (Laura Anne Gilman).

25. What did you want and get?
The good company of congenial, entertaining, kind and well-informed people, good meals, good trips. A start on the bathroom reno. The completion of a new short story.

26. What did you want and not get?
A feeling of general satisfaction. A personal direction. A sale on said new short story.

27. What were your favorite films of this year?

• “The Primary Instinct”—actor Stephen Tobolowsky's concert film
  
• “Henri Henri”—a quirky French comedy
  
• “Very Semi-Serious”—a documentary about the cartoon editor and the cartoonists at The New Yorker<
  
• “The Price of Fame”—a French comedy about the theft of Charlie Chaplin’s corpse
  
• “Inside Out”—the new Pixar animated film
  
• “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”—which was better than it had any right to be, and as good, if not better, than it needed to be

28. What was your favorite play or musical of the year?
“The Twilight Zone Live” at Theater Schmeater. It’s pretty much a certainty that if I see this annual production, everything else will pale in comparison. But I will also note that I loved being able to attend a LA Theater works presentation with my cousins Paul and Susan, more for the company than for the production itself.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I completed my 53rd year in 2015. I had brunch with EB and ladyjestocost as well as getting a mani-pedi in their good company. I had dinner with suricattus.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Feeling like I'd accomplished more than I have. Selling that short story.

31. What kept you sane?
Sleep. Books. My cats. My amazing circle of friends.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
I was so disgusted with so much of what went on this year politically that after a while I was too exhausted to engage, to be perfectly frank. I always care about environmental issues and animal conservation. I always care about women's rights.

33. Whom did you miss?
My mom, as ever, and someone else who will go unnamed here.

34. Who was the best new person you met? Who did you reconnect with?
I met Robin, my bathroom designer, who is a complete delight. I reconnected with Danny a college friend, though I suspect there will be more to that story before we’re done.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned--or relearned--in 2015.
Tell the people you love that you love them as often as you can, and in as many ways as you can. The presence in your life is precious and, in the grand scheme of the universe, fleeting.

I send my wishes to everyone here for a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. May we all have and keep the good things and successes that we strive for, and may we all survive and thrive in 2016. I send my love.

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
--Bought a smart phone
--Had a project of mine win two industry awards
--Wrote the introduction for a friend's collection of short stories
Otherwise, not a lot of newness in 2013, though maybe I'm not thinking hard enough.

2. Did you make any New Year's Goals for 2013 and, if so, did you meet them?
I made goals, but I didn't meet most of them. 2013 seemed to be a year in which it was hard for me to get anything done at all and I'm not sure why. I was less creative, less adventurous, less everything somehow. I'm rather disappointed in myself, actually. But I think that not having a car most of the year really took the spirit right out of me.

3. Any goals for 2014?
I'm going to be less ambitious this year in the hopes of actually getting at least one of these things done.
1. Attend to at least one house project.
2. Attend more theater.
3. Journal more. I know people are leaving LJ in droves, but I don't feel like I can.
4. Live more healthfully.

( More beneath the cut )

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned--or relearned--in 2013.
No one's ever really lost if you go looking for them. I think of this in context of my reconnecting with family in the wake of my cousin Matthew's death. The toughest thing about this is keeping in touch and reforging the connection. I've made a point to call and send cards. There's been no reciprocation from the other side, though my 80+ year old aunt occasionally leaves a note for me on Facebook, which is very dear. I must call her this weekend, and make sure the connection is secure.

I send my wishes to everyone here for a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. May we all have and keep the good things and successes that we strive for, and may we all survive and thrive in 2014. I send my love.

2012 was a hard, hard year. Bookended by two deaths (markbourne and Phil Gellis), sprinkled with others (notably Josepha Sherman), it was important to find goodness in the midst of grief. My brother's visit, my birthday, and my trip to Europe with Elizabeth (and the visits with skidspoppe, setsyoustraight, and mistymarshall), quality time with davidlevine, the addition of my little terrorist Zeke to the household, and the joyous holiday whirl all helped relieve the stress and sadness. I am so grateful for my friends and family.

I have high hopes for 2013, most specifically that it's an improvement over 2012. My aspirations for things to accomplish this year are modest but SMART, I think. (Stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. I need to put together project files for each to make sure they stay that way.) We'll see how it goes. In the meanwhile, here's the round-up for 2012:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
--Toured mainland Europe
--Traveled extensively with friends (I've traveled with friends before but only for a couple of days and usually not very far; this year was definitely different)
--Edited an award-winning project
--Buried three old friends in a single year (and a couple of friendly acquaintances as well)

2. Did you make any New Year's Goals for 2012 and, if so, did you meet them?
I think I met about half my goals. I maintained my weight loss but didn't lose more. It's an accomplishment but not the one I'd hoped for. I tried to be a good friend and a good sister; that's for others to judge. The attempt is what's important. I definitely traveled places I've never been before. And I definitely addressed two house projects, small though they were, both in the kitchen: replacing the faucet assembly and replacing the disposal unit.

3. Any goals for 2013?
Same as last year, with a couple of new additions (in italics):
1. Write and submit more fiction.
2. Take more pictures.
3. Live healthier by continuing to eat well and exercise with the intention of reaching my Weight Watchers goal weight.
4. Be a good friend.
5. Be a good sister.
6. Travel somewhere I've never been before.
7. Attend to at least two house projects. They don't have to be big ones, but at least two should be addressed.
8. Attend more theater.
9. Do something about promoting some of my photography commercially.

4. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Debi brought Miss Frances into the world. And somewhere a cat brought five dark gray kittens into the world, giving me my little Ezekiel.

5. Did anyone close to you die?
This year, we lost my beloved friend markbourne. Except to say that I still and will always miss him, I have no other words because, well, there are no other words to say. We also lost Phil Gellis, actor, director, baseball enthusiast, trivia and game geek, good man, dear friend of 25 years. We also lost Josepha Sherman, Danny Lieberman, and Janet Berliner-Gluckman. What a perfectly wretched year.

6. What cities and towns did you visit?
Bronx and Manhattan, NY
Portland, OR
Burien, WA
Centralia, WA
Edmonds, WA
Lake Quinault, WA
Snoqualmie, WA
Paris, France
Versailles, France
Druskininkai, Lithuania
Grutas, Lithuania
Juodkrante, Lithuania
Kaunas, Lithuania
Kleipeda, Lithuania
Nida, Lithuania
Rietavas, Lithuania
Vilnius, Lithuania
Amsterdam, The Netherlands

7. What countries did you visit?
France: Paris, Versailles
Lithuania: Druskininkai, Grutas, Juodkrante, Kaunas, Kleipeda, Nida, Rietavas, Vilnius
Holland: Amsterdam

8. How many nights did you spend away from home? (New question for this year)
Amsterdam, The Netherlands (3)
Bronx, NY (2)
Lake Quinault, WA (3)
Lithuania (5)
Portland, OR (3)
Paris, France (10)
Snoqualmie, WA, (2)
28 nights total. It's nearly a month and yet I feel like I was gone more than that. Interesting metric!

9. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
More time and focus to write, to take pictures and, in general, to nurture myself as an artist. And more focus for the weight loss and to get healthier.

10. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 25: The day Mark died
July 10: My (and Mark's) birthday

11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Several big things:
--Helping to win the Golden ENnie for The Complete KOBOLD Guide to Game Design
--Completing the editing on Martha Wells' The Books of the Raksura--a wonderful fantasy trilogy that everyone should read.
--Completing and delivering The Kobold Guide to Worldbuilding.
--Getting the vendor contract at Microsoft within two days of Mark's death. Keeping myself together enough to speak coherently and make a good impression was a big deal for me that day, and the job has been a good one for the most part.
--Getting not one but two of my photographs featured in the Cats of Microsoft calendar. It felt like a little vindication for me as a photographer (mostly I think it's a vindication of how beautiful Sophie is)

12. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing more weight. Not finishing and submitting more fiction.

13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Happily this year I was pretty healthy. I had a little trouble with my left knee, which kept me from continuing to run, and that's had other consequences. But I am healthy and whole and enormously grateful for it.

14. What was the best thing you bought?
It's a tie: my iPad and my beautiful rust-red leather jacket.

15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Elizabeth Bourne for her magnificent survival through Mark's passage, and her wonderful, astonishing group of friends and family for supporting her through it all.

16. Whose behavior, what situations appalled and depressed you?
The Republican party in Congress. Republican politicians who advocated to reduce women's rights, to make it harder to vote, to break unions, and to reduce taxes on the wealthiest citizens when middle- and lower-income families need that kind of support so desperately.

167. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and paying down debt. The answer to this question rarely changes. This year, though, a lot of money went into travel--France, Lithuania, Amsterdam--and I couldn't be happier about that.

18. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
My fiftieth birthday and all the celebrations around it, my trip to Europe, my family's visit to Seattle, and the publication of the Cats of Microsoft calendar. These were undoubtedly the highlights of the year.

19. Compared to this time last year, you are . . .
More or less the same weight and pretty frustrated about it; more employed and more financially stable; one cat richer. Unhappy with myself about the state of my writing. Meh about dating, given how determined I was about it this time last year.

20. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. Taking pictures. Being more creative in general.

21. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wishing I was writing. Wishing I was losing more weight. Mourning. Worrying.

22. How did you spend Christmas?
Spent it at the home of grubbstreet and that delightful band of disreputable suspects. We had an enormous dinner of roast beef and salmon, sided by green beans, twice-baked potatoes, mushrooms, peas, squash, salad, dinner rolls, my apple-crusted sweet potatoes, and lots of wine.

23. Did you fall in love in 2012?
My heart was engaged--and still searching, too.

24. What were your favorite TV programs? Were there programs you stopped watching?
Favorites were Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, Project Runway, and Downton Abbey.
I stopped watching Ghost Adventures. There's a little too much macho chest-thumping for my taste. The only decent ghost-story show on TV now is Animal Planet's "The Haunted" but I'm never home to see it.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate's too strong a word. Do I dislike anyone that I didn't last year? Let's just say that I developed a distaste for one or two people; I distanced myself from one or two unhealthy associations. Let's leave it at that.

26. What was the best book you read?
John Adams by David McCullough: Hands down the best, most thorough, most thoroughly engaging biography I have ever read.

27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to travel and, boy howdy, did I! From Paris to Lithuania to Amsterdam and back, I logged some pretty amazing miles in 2012.

28. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to get more writing done and failed.

29. What were your favorite films of this year?
Danny Boyle's Frankenstein (filmed version)
The Avengers

Other films that I enjoyed and want to note:
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
The Standbys
The Central Park Effect
The Hobbit
Les Miserables
Lincoln
Paul Williams: Still Alive
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Artist

30. What was your favorite play or musical of the year?
As I review my LJ for notes, it looks like there wasn't much theater this year, unsurprising given that we lost Mark and that the focus for a diversion that we all enjoyed in his company pretty much wasn't there. What little theater I saw was good, but not things that I have or will talk about at length over the course of time. Red at Seattle Rep, however, was excellent. I'm not going to single out any particular production this year, but I've added a goal, above, to bring theater back into my life a little more fully in 2013.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 50 this year, and celebrated my half-century in the company of my local best-beloveds in style: sailing in the morning, cocktails in the afternoon, and then dinner at the Space Needle that evening.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More writing and more publication.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
A little more stylish with an emphasis on accessories.

34. What kept you sane?
Sleep. Music. davidlevine. My amazing circle of friends.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Republican party's war on women. The presidential election.

36. Whom did you miss?
Mark. Mark. Mark.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Who did you reconnect with?
I'm adding the second question of this pair because Facebook has made it possible to find or rediscover old friends lost and rediscovered.
Newly met: Sean, Jamala, and coworkers Trelawney, Jackie, Kamal, Mandy
Rediscovered: Sheila M., Danny S., George M.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned--or relearned--in 2012.
A couple of lessons this year:
a. "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."--Richard Bach
This was a lesson I was reminded of last year when I went back to Long Island. It's a lesson that was reinforced this year with Mark's loss and all that followed. We, none of us, can survive the road of life alone; we do and must depend upon and support each other. This thing called Living isn't for the weak, but we can't do it in isolation; that way lies madness and defeat.

b. "Do or do not; there is no try."--Yoda
This year, my weight loss journey wasn't what I wanted it to be. Partly it's because it was a rough, rough year and my focus wasn't as tight as it was last year. Partly it's because my exercise regimen was stalled by my bad knee. And partly it's because I simply stopped doing every single thing I needed to be doing in order to succeed. I take responsibility for my weight loss maintenance, both the good and frustrating aspects of it. But either I do it or I don't, and the consequences show. In 2013, I will do. There is no try.

I send my wishes to everyone here for a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. May we all have and keep the good things and successes that we strive for, and may we all survive and thrive in 2013. I send my love.

I woke this morning to discover frost on the balcony railing. It's 9:15 AM in Seattle, and the old year is slowly winding down. Here's my annual year-end survey, possibly the most useful meme ever to emerge on LiveJournal.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
1. Traveled the North Cascade Highway
2. Trod through the tidepools at Golden Gardens park
3. Attended the Highland Games
4. Gave Spanky medication by injection
5. Went to the Isabella Stuart Gardner Museum

( Complete survey beneath the cut. You may find a recurring theme or two. )

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
I don't think this was a learning so much as it was a reminder: Be true to yourself, no matter how hard it may be.

Here it is, my annual round-up meme. These questions always make me think a little bit. I don't always answer the questions very deeply, but I certainly think deeply about them. Tonight I look back. Tomorrow, I'll look forward. Here we go (friends encouraged to click beneath the cut):

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
1) Went to Kenya.
2) Sold a story to Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show.
3) Took five days away from home to write. Just write.
4) Painted my home and rearranged the rooms (with lots of help).
5) Took time off from working full time without registering for Unemployment. It was the least stressful time I've ever had. Wonderful.
6) Signed up for eHarmony.com.

( More questions and answers... )

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Give yourself what you want when you can. You only go 'round once, and what's the point of waiting? And if you can share that thing, do. Also? Tell the people you love that you love them. Tell them often. More important: show them.

I love all youse guys. Really. I do.

Here's hoping for a happy, healthy, peaceful new year. Stay in one piece, everyone, and let's all meet here again next year. All of us.

Here it is: 2005 in review. ( Friends encouraged to look beneath the cut )

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005
Ask for what you want: be direct and honest. If you don't ask, you'll never receive. And if you don't get it, at least you won't regret never having asked in the first place.

Happy new year, everyone. Stay safe tonight. I'll see you in 2006—may it be a happier, healthier, and more peaceful year than 2005.