Scarlett Letters

1) I'm a little crabby this morning. How do I know? I didn't put the package of English muffins on the counter carefully and when it fell off, my honest-to-gosh thought was, "F*cking gravity."
2) Zeke is all about honesty. I put his antibiotics in salmon-flavored pill pockets this morning and he wouldn't eat them. I took the pills out and pilled him like the pro I am, and then he ate the pill pockets as if to say, "Good. We understand each other. Transparency is important."
3) Sophie is sunbathing on her back with her paws stretched over her head and I giggle every time I look at her.
4) I'm all excited about the new Seattle hockey team, the Seattle Kraken. In a fit of enthusiasm, I went to the team store, couldn't decide which team-logo-emblazoned shirt I wanted so I bought, I admit, several in different sizes and designs, figuring I could try things on, see what fit and looked good and return the others. Now I can't figure out how to return the ones I don't want. No receipts with the packages, no return info on the website, no answer at the customer service number. I am irritated as hell.
5) It looks like it's going to be a nice, mild summer day in Seattle today. I look forward to that.

It's like clockwork around here: Labor Day comes and Mother Nature flicks a switch. Though Seattle summers are usually mild, this year, we're going from scorching hot days to cooler temps and now the rains have come. They started yesterday and continue today; I think we've seen the last of the sun for a while.

I'm not quite ready for autumn. I haven't changed over my wardrobe; I suppose that happens this week and weekend. Last night I changed my blanket from summer- to winter-weight. I don't have quite the right shoes for this weather; the boots that I've worn for three years now have got holes in them--perhaps not the quality I thought they were when I bought them.

And Rosh Hashannah is bearing down upon us with me, once again, not having tickets for services anywhere because I don't belong to a synagogue and because it's the busiest time of year for me at work. (Most synagogues don't know what to do with me anyway; they're set up for families, not for independent Women of a Certain Age.) I failed to get tickets for services at UW's Hillel, which I've done before. I live within walking distance of the local Chabad House (the only congregation in town that doesn't require a donation for High Holiday tickets), but I wasn't brought up Orthodox. And though their outreach is friendly and welcoming, I'm a little intimidated by the prospect of what will surely be a less-than-egalitarian approach to services. I'm not the sitting-in-the-back-row type. And so I'm once again a little bereft at this time of year.

And, as mentioned above, it's the busiest time of year at work, which means I've got tons of work to do, oftentimes overseen by a million managers, all of whom want to have check-in meetings to ensure the work is getting done. Which means talking to my actual manager about the irony of negotiating the work needing to be done versus attending meetings to report on said work. I can meet or I can execute; I can't do both effectively simultaneously. This year, it seems like it's worse than it's ever been. I keep putting off or declining meetings, and the managers who run said meetings want just five minutes, which often ends up turning into an hour anyway. And then I have to explain myself and my work to everyone. Especially irritating are the compliance managers, who insist that they don't have to be familiar with our website (on which I work) but then insist that I give them a tour to ensure I'm doing the work. It's maddening.

So, yeah. The turn of the calendar comes and the darker, cooler, wetter days, the busier days, come along with it. I miss living somewhere with a more gradual segue into autumn and winter. But every now and then we get a glimpse of the beauty that autumn can offer and I'm pleased.

Bathroom renovation
Stage one of the renovation is officially finished. The door is hung. Extra tiles have been returned. The clean-up crew has come and gone. Last Friday was the first day in about two weeks, maybe a little more, that I didn't have drop clothes across every floor and strangers tromping in and out every day. I didn't have to get up at 5 AM to be washed and dressed when the project manager arrived at 7 AM on the dot. It felt like a luxury, like a special event. I basked in my privacy. And I basked in the new bathroom: tiled and grouted and pretty as could be. Stage 2 will be glass installation. Stage 3 will be painting, though, in truth, I'm going to try to do some of the painting before the glass installation because some of it will be easier to do before the glass is installed. My blue-and-white bathroom continues to morph into being. Yay!

HydraCap
I have exactly one friend who isn't upset or outraged about the most recent turn in the Captain America story from Marvel. He is a longtime comics author and fan, and he is impressed and curious. I don't know if there's anything to be read into this other than as someone who's sat on the other side of the desk, his experience informs his perspective in a way that it doesn't for a lot of other people. For myself, knowing Cap mainly from the movies, from what I've read about the who created the character and how he developed, and what comics-reading friends have told me, I loved the character and am unhappy with the latest developments in the print version. But since there's nothing I can do it about, I won't fret about it. I'm just deeply disappointed that this most principled, honorable character has been so completely subverted.

Heat and cats
Here in Seattle, it is ridiculously hot and dry for early June. The cats have been shedding for a while, but for the last three days it's been like a fluff storm around here. Brushing has been regular. I'm lucky they both love to be brushed so much. And they have been remarkably cuddly with the heat. It is a reminder that many domestic cats descend from desert creatures.

SIFF 2016
I am behind in posting my film reviews. I will post more after I complete this entry.

1) Weather: It's been insanely dark the last few days. Cliff Mass, Seattle's weather guru, says that Monday, December 7th, was the darkest day in Seattle in 9 years. If this morning is any indication we may break that record again. I've got my happy light on as I type. It's helped me before. Looks like I'll really need it today.

2) Self care: I started on antidepressants about two months ago. Yesterday, I forgot to take my medication and only realized it when I was already on the bus on the way to work. I took a dip last night that was murderous and had a really tough evening. Self care has always been a challenge for me--but I can't let that happen again.

3) Photography: I've been (finally) creating photojournals of the Europe trip I took in 2012, including pictures and my LiveJournal entries from the trip. I've completed and received the Paris book. (I use Blurb, which offers a lot of flexibility in design that other applications don't. It's more expensive but it's worth it for me.) Now I'm working on the one for Lithuania and Amsterdam. I'm enjoying looking back at all these pictures and journal entries. The weather was beautiful in Paris; it was dark, rainy and overcast almost the whole time I was in Lithuania and Amsterdam. I'm using PhotoShop and iPhoto to try to lighten up some of the photographs; it's an interesting exercise.

4) Work: Everyone I work with these days either telecommutes or lives and works in Portland. I'm the only one on our team that works from the office anymore. It's very lonely. There are other folks at the office, of course, in other groups. I'm trying to make connections. But it's really challenging: I go to the office and there's no one there. I come home, and it's just me and the cats. I need to make more plans and see more people. It's not healthy for me to be so alone so much.

5) Books: I'm reading very slowly these days. I started Silver on the Road by our own suricattus recently and am enjoying it hugely. It's very good indeed, with rich and layered character building, and an atmosphere of delicious mystery in her version of the Weird West. I'm taking my time with it and I recommend it.

It is definitely autumn. I find it harder to get out of bed in the morning; it's staying dark later every day. It's colder; the next time I change my bed sheets, it will be to put on the winter bedding. I need to dig out the winter jammies. And the kitties are cuddling with me more than even just a week ago. I find that all I want to do is hunker down under the blankets and hibernate.

"Life's a bitch and God's an iron, and I need a drink and a rubdown."--suricattus

That pretty much sums things up right now. My state of mind is the result of two pieces of e-mail I received last night. I'm not going to get into detail about either one, except to say that one was my fault (or at least it feels that way) and the second sort of exacerbated the feelings produced by the first. I received them both relatively late in the evening. I had a shot of whiskey and went to bed.

Weather: I wake this morning facing showers and thunderstorms in Seattle, suitable to last night's personal storms and to the dramatic urge. While the area needs the rain--it's been a very dry summer--I don't welcome the return of the darkness. It's always hard for me to take.

Movies: In other news, I saw "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" last night. Not only is it a remarkable technical achievement, it's just a really good movie. I want to see the next film in the series, like, tomorrow. (And yes, it's coming. The director of "Dawn" has already signed on.) Somebody, please, give Andy Serkis the special Oscar he so richly deserves. He has invented a completely new form of acting, and he's a master. (In the meanwhile, it looks like he's going to be in the new Avengers and Star Wars films. Glad to see him so busy and in such high-profile projects.) Tonight, I'm seeing a press preview of "Guardians of the Galaxy" with SA, my friend the film critic. I could use something light. Here's hoping the movie succeeds.

1) Vague-booking about social drama: The phrase "I thought this was a safe space" is often--not always, but often--deployed as a guilt trip when someone says something or does something inappropriate and is called on it. That shit just makes me crazy. And it makes me crazier when it's used by someone whom I thought was either more straightforward or less manipulative than their use of the phrase indicates they really are.

2) Weather: The entire rest of the country is being challenging by extreme weather. In Seattle we've got sub-freezing temperatures, which is pretty extreme for this part of the nation, but it's been dry and clear. The fact is we're getting off pretty easy compared to, for example, New York, Pennsylvania, and so on. This doesn't lessen the fact that it's freaking cold and I'm wearing more layers than I would prefer.

3) Cat-sitting: My cat-sitter has sent out a card announcing that she's retiring at the end of June. I knew it would come--she's an older woman--but I'm really sad. She's been a fixture of my time in Seattle, and though our relationship has mostly consisted of phone calls, I'll miss her. I've contacted her about two more kitty visits before she retires, and I've put into motion the obtaining of what I hope will be an appropriate farewell gift for her.

4) Making things: I recently picked up a knitting loom and am nearly done with my first scarf, a stretch of brown and pink wool that I'm looking forward to wearing. I don't know whether or not I'll keep up with this, but it's been a fun project, and I expect to finish it this weekend. We'll see what happens from here.

5) Foolscap: The convention was last weekend. It marks a year since my last car accident and the start of my experiment in carless living. We know how the experiment turned out. It was a fun weekend, but the convention came up so quickly, with so little fanfare from the concom, that it was an unexpected occupation of my time and I'm behind on a number of projects as a result. This weekend, also crazy busy--but at least planned busy-ness, will be partly spent catching up. But I'm going to be behind in stuff for a while yet.

I started commuting by bus last March, when it was already beginning to be lighter in the morning. This morning as I look out the window by my breakfast table, it's dark and wet and cold. I don't have to leave for at least another hour but, well, I suspect I'm not going to enjoy this very much. I need proper boots. I need a warmer raincoat (and I've been looking for one but haven't found it yet). I am not properly outfitted for this commute.

Blech.

1) Autumn has arrived in the Pacific Northwest. It's 7 AM-ish and it's dark outside. Well, more like twilight. It's wet and cold. It's definitely autumn and nearly October. I'm actually rather delighted about the start of the haunting season.

2) I have minimal plans for this weekend. Dinner out tonight; writing and day-job stuff tomorrow. Everything else is negotiable, but my negotiating position will be a tough one for anyone who wants my time, as I am feeling stingy. I want this weekend for myself, to do things that need to be done or that I want to do, like the crafting and creating I mentioned in my last post.

3) I need to gin up some ambition. I have gotten out of the habit of wanting things overmuch. I'm not talking about wanting a book or a skirt or the aforementioned crafting time. I'm talking about ambitions for myself, my writing, the idea of my making a difference in the world, of doing something really special with my life. Maybe it's age. Maybe it's being told "No" over and over again. It feels . . . bad. I need to learn how to Make Things Happen again, learn how to be OK with being determined and pushing through.

4) Still looking for a car. I have learned that the model of car I was looking at is notorious for electrical problems and that it's known for just being badly engineered. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. At least I hadn't purchased the one I was looking at. The search goes on. I don't want to buy something new; I don't want to go into that kind of debt when I'm finally beating down the debt I have. If I look at newer used cars, I may still go into debt, though not quite as much. Must strategize.

4) Still haven't made any decisive moves on the house renovation. I really should do that.

1) I just finished reading Christopher Moore's Sacre Bleu, which was recommended to me by skidspoppe and I am here to tell you that it's not only a good book, it's a good fantasy, and that if you read genre you must read it. Seriously. (And if you are interested in art or history you should read it, too.) It's set mainly in Paris in the 1890s, mostly on Montmartre, the story provoked by Vincent van Gogh's death, and centered around the love affair between one Lucien Lessard, an artist and baker, and a beautiful, enigmatic woman named Juliette, and the color blue. Also around Lessard's friendship with Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, who is probably my favorite character in the book. Moore builds a wonderful history/mystery around the whole community of Impressionists, their work, and Juliette and her peculiar companion, the Colorman. The story hops between time periods, going back thousands of years and forward to 2012. I thought it was terrific, slyly (and sometimes broadly) funny. And it was great fun to read now that I've been to Paris and have seen so many of the locations mentioned. Well worth the read.

2) I leave at lunch time for Portland, there to work in my company's headquarters for a day, and to visit with davidlevine, kateyule, jaylake and anyone else I'm fortunate enough to run into while I'm there.

3) Spring has sprung in Seattle, with sunny skies and temps in the mid-60s. Given my decades of experience in the region, I know the sunshine won't last, but I'm going to enjoy it while it's here.

4) I bought myself a pretty tote/computer bag that is seasonally appropriate--all pink-and-white paisley and waterproof (more or less)--and I am ridiculously happy with it.

5) Zeke is growing up to be extremely opinionated about pretty much everything, but especially about the fact that he thinks I don't spend nearly enough time playing with him and far too much time sitting at my computer. Meow meow meow all day long, with the occasional whine thrown in for good measure. I don't think I taught him that last habit, but I feel like it confirms my worst fears about myself: whine whine whine. ::sigh:: Our children learn what we teach them whether or not we mean to.