Genderfail, identification, corrective measures, and the ongoing discussion

[scarlettina]

I was going to make a "Five Things..." post this morning. But one of those five things was provoked by Trish Sullivan's post about sexism in SF and the Rod Rees debacle, which I still haven't been able to find anything about online; my Google-fu has failed me. But the Google brought up the Resnick/Malzberg genderfail, and it quickly overcame the other four things I was going to post about. So here's a post about the Resnick/Malzberg thing along with related ideas, and I'll post about the other stuff a little later.

I haven't weighed in on the whole Resnick/Malzberg SFWA genderfail mainly because so many others have been so much more eloquent about it than I think I can be (with thanks to jimhines for the awesome round-up). What I see as I read through the original Resnick/Malzberg dialogues and all the response they've provoked is a couple of men clearly out of touch with the social dialog on sexism and completely unaware that, generationally speaking, they're oblivious, outgunned, uninformed, and were completely unprepared for what hit them. No argument they've marshalled in their own defense addresses the complaints lodged against them because they don't understand the complaints or the history and perspective behind them. They don't get it.

And that obliviousness is something I've had to wrestle with myself a bit as I get older. Case in point: Several months ago, a writer of whom I'm enormously fond both personally and as an author posted a portrait of herself online. She's lost weight and has been working out like a queen bitch; she looks awesome. But I found myself channeling my mother when I said, "Great pic--look at those cheekbones--but smile!" and found myself scolded for telling a woman to smile. I was a little blindsided by the scolding. I had missed an entire social dialog that centered around the idea that it's not OK to tell a woman to smile because it communicates that we are worth nothing unless we are, first and foremost, decorative. The picture reflected the success of her efforts whether or not she smiled. I Got Skooled. And the people who schooled me were right to do so. And I understood why. The incident created an important awareness for me and provoked a lot of thought.

I understood why because the discussion has been taking place since my formative years and I've been a part of it. The fact that I've missed more recent discussion alarmed me enough to go and get myself more grounding. It's something of a generational discussion and the fact that I missed it freaked me out more than a little.

So there's a piece of me that understands the Resnick/Malzberg dismay and umbrage at the response to their dialogs. There's a cultural futureshock going on for these guys. Part of the trouble is that they've never been part of this particular social dialog--or at least they haven't been recently. Their injured dignity arises from this idea that they were (See how progressive we were? See how the ladies around us never objected to us?)--and even if they were, they're not now and haven't been for so long that their defenses, though apparently relevant to themselves, aren't relevant or effectively presented to those they're arguing with. Moreover, the arguments they've marshaled in their defense reflect a generational and social divide so profound that I'm not sure it will ever be effectively bridged; I'm not sure it can be. There's an element of "you young whippersnappers" about their response that undermines a lot of what they're trying to say (separate from the fact that what they're saying doesn't address the legitimate complaints lodged against them). They present a lot of their defense in the frame of, "Why, in my day..." as if their forward-thinking behavior 35 years ago makes them social paragons to be respected today.

Except it jest ain't so. Perspective that doesn't remain informed and evolve as the dialog develops is perspective that has ossified. And the fact that these gentlemen can't see that is another symptom of that ossification. Plus, the fact that they appear to have responded in a knee-jerk fashion rather than in a thoughtful way with a little reflection and research about why people objected to their perspective just made it worse.

Look: we all believe in ourselves and the righteousness of our positions. But without stretching those positions, testing them, we become stiff and movement becomes difficult. I think that one of the lessons to come out of the Resnick/Malzberg genderfail is that we must remain aware and elastic in our learning and our perspective. We must question our assumptions. We must learn from our mistakes, yea, even into our 70s and 80s. Otherwise we might end up telling the wrong person to smile. ;-)

Comments

[malkingrey.livejournal.com]

You're far more gracious in the face of correction than, I fear, I could ever be. I have yet to be the recipient of a public scolding, thank goodness, but I doubt I'll be that fortunate forever -- I know that the done thing these days is to express gratitude for the lessoning, but I suspect that when my time comes, I'll be doing well to preserve a dignified silence.

At least I can thank Resnick and Malzberg for a salutary example of what can happen when someone doesn't.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

In the moment, I was bewildered and peeved, frankly. It's only after some thought that I'm glad for the correction. But I have been the object of regular correction from some directions and I'm not always gracious or grateful for it, especially in situations where I don't agree or where I'm tired of hearing how wrong I am. I may have a higher tolerance as a result of certain ingrained insecurities, but I do get set off every now and then. This was only one case. I have been known to deliver a smackdown when appropriate.

[mcjulie.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh. Being told to smile has been one of my pet peeves since early childhood, but until recently I thought it was just this thing that bugs me, in particular, because I'm me.

I assumed that other people must like being told to smile, or at least not mind it, because otherwise why would it be so common?

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

I don't mind being told to smile--which is one of the reasons being told that doing same Is Not OK was such a surprise. I am, by nature, theatrical; I'm more vain than most people suspect (and I suspect most people who know me have at least a little sense of that vanity); and I rarely mind a camera pointed in my direction. Furthermore, I'm enough of a show-off that a moment in the spotlight--for the right reasons--is more likely to make me preen than scoff, object, or cower. But this telling someone to smile is not for everyone, and it can communicate the message that if you don't smile, you're not worth paying attention to, which isn't an acceptable message.

[ghilledhu.livejournal.com]

It's not just you. I've always hated it when random people on the street told me to smile - how do they know what's going on in my head and heart? Maybe I've had a horrible day. Maybe I've just lost my job, or a relationship, or someone close to me. It always smacked of being told how I should feel, which felt very presumptuous. I realize that that's not how they mean it, so I bite back the snappy remarks, but that's always how it feels.

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

I'm still chewing over my own response to this whole issue (but I think I'm riffing off of Gini Koch's lovely response about why she writes what she does and the characters she does).

Because my day job is in a still mostly female-dominated field (k-12 education), I've had to keep up with sexism politics because some of the systemic issues involved with education reform are specifically targeted at women, especially older women. I don't think it's surprising that one of the biggest internal controversies arising as part of the new Badass Teachers Association (went from 0 to 19,000 Facebook members in a matter of days, that's how frustrating things are) was whether the name was appropriately polite. When I step back from the current k-12 education reform debates and take a long look at the situation, hoo boy are there ever issues that come back to control of women underlying a lot of what is going on (a demand for teachers to work off of tightly scripted curriculum, penalties for deviating from pacing guides even though part of the art of teaching is adapting to the learning speed of the group in front of you, the growing focus on high-stakes assessment as opposed to how well a student is learning what is being taught...).

And there is a LOT of mansplaining going on in the field. Anyway. That's a distraction from what I was really going to say.

The fact is, positions need to grow and evolve as we age. And no matter what, we can't just sit back and rest on past achievements. I really don't accept aging as a legitimate excuse for not following new developments on issues, because for issues such as sexism, it's a case where you fix one perspective which opens up a whole new can of crazy puzzle pieces that need to be fit into place.

It is possible for older men to be friendly and flirtatious about women without being sexist. But that means thinking about the words used, the type of compliments, and accepting women as equals not just intellectually but in actions and in verbiage. Not doing so is not just lazy, it's crappy writing. For men who are still practicing writers, they damn well better think about their words, because words are their craft and skill. No excuses.

[ex-triciasu.livejournal.com]

"I think that one of the lessons to come out of the Resnick/Malzberg genderfail is that we must remain aware and elastic in our learning and our perspective. We must question our assumptions. We must learn from our mistakes, yea, even into our 70s and 80s."

Yes!

About my post this morning, sorry, didn't mean to be coy, just was rushing so didn't link. http://www.jofletcherbooks.com/2013/06/can-male-writers-successfully-write-female-characters-by-rod-rees/ and foz meadows takes him down here: http://fozmeadows.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/rageblogging-the-rod-rees-edition/

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

Janna, I love you.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

What we got goin' on here is a mutual admiration society, girlfriend. :-)

[bedii.livejournal.com]

I would also say that if you've gone on VD's site to supply corrections you're not thinking clearly about the company you wish to keep. Resnick should have thought things over better.

[kistha.livejournal.com]

And yet, sometimes telling someone to smile has less to do with decoration, and more to do with emotion. There's a woman in dance class who never, ever smiles. She always has the pissed off permascowl. I think that if she could maybe find something to smile about, she'd be less of a self centered bitch.

Interestingly I've never been told to smile as a decorative thing, ever. (Not counting theater and dance, because well, not normal discourse.)Interesting all around though.

[kateyule.livejournal.com]

Wow. I think you've made an insightful connection between your reaction to the "smile" thing and Resnick/Malzberg's reaction in the Bulletin.

We all need to keep learning, all the time.

[aberwyn.livejournal.com]

Excellent analysis of the Resnick/Malzberg snit.