Scarlett Letters

1) Tomorrow I depart for a company retreat at the McMenamin's Edgefield Resort outside of Portland. It's an overnight trip, and the resort looks cool and interesting, with art all over the place. jaylake was there recently with radiantlisa and their pictures of the place make it look just lovely. I'll be carpooling down and back with three other coworkers whom I quite like and I expect it will be fun. It'll be work, but it'll be work in good company.

2) Last night's episode of Castle was kind of a nergasm. In a nod to Terminator 2, we've got a double-murder, a suspect who claims to be a time traveler from the future (Joshua Gomez of "Chuck"), a physicist targeted as the Cause of It All (Tim Russ of "Star Trek" in a lovely copycat role of Joe Morton's engineer Miles Dyson from T2), a big, stoic, Germanic type hunting the innocents. And a nice, Twilight Zone-type twist at the end. If you get a chance, catch it online. The ep is called "Time Will Tell."

3) This weekend, in preparation for the coming Thor movie, I rented and watched "Captain America" and "Thor" to fill the holes in my Avengers education. Neither of these movies had any right to be as good or as much fun as they were, but I enjoyed the hell out of them both! I find myself thinking more about Thor than Cap, I think, because of how it ended--with a sort of romantic moment that wasn't at all saccharine. But also because the film made the patently absurd remarkably believable. I suspended my disbelief and didn't second-guess it for a moment. I had a moment or two of hesitation with Captain America, but only a moment or two. Lots of fun. And last night I watched "The Avengers"--my third time seeing it. I was impressed once again with how the director treats Steve Rogers, shooting him and lighting him like he's still a 1940s-era hero, always in sepia browns with brilliant yellow lighting (see especially the boxing scene)--except when he's in uniform. I remain convinced that both the actors and the script have created a canon for Stark/Banner. They're adorable together. It's rare you see two men so blatantly flirt with each other the way they do--you can see their brains sparking off each other--and I love it that the Hulk roars Stark back to consciousness (like waking him with a kiss) and that they drive off together. I loves me my dark-haired, dark-eyed geniuses (even one with breathtaking anger management issues and even if the other is kind of an asshole). ::grin:: Prime, tasty work by RDJ and Mark Ruffalo.

4) Last night I talked with BB, a friend I've known since childhood. I continue to be struck by how different our lives are. I'm not surprised--we were never on the same path by any means. The things we have in common are elemental--where we grew up and the culture there--but other than that, we couldn't be more different. She is a sweet, good-hearted woman and just having a really rough time this year, with family illness all around. I've tendered yet another in a long list of invitations for her to take a break and come visit me, even if it's just for a weekend. As usual, she said it sounded wonderful but will probably never accept, which I regret.

5) My thoughts around the above-noted invitation got me to thinking about getting out of one's comfort zone. It's a challenge for me to do that, but I push myself to do so because I think it's important for me to stretch myself--and it's resulted in amazing travel and wonderful personal experiments. Comfort zones are by definition comfortable, though, and some people--many people--just don't see the need to break out of them. I hope that I never stop pushing myself, even if it's just in tiny increments. When we stop learning, we die.

Bonus! 6) I'm thinking about 2014 and the possibility of international travel again. Certainly there's the WorldCon in London as one option, and fjm has already planted a seed about it that I continue to consider. On the other hand I've been to London twice and there are other places in the world that I want to see (though I surely haven't seen nearly enough of London--can one ever?): Morocco, for one. That idea is really taking root. But I also find myself thinking about Tanzania and the Great Migration (though safari trips are insanely expensive). It's funny. There are all these places in Europe I want to see, and yet when my mind turns to travel for real, I always find myself thinking farther afield. Apparently there's something about Africa generally that I find compelling. Still haven't figured this out yet, though. More thought to come.

Editor's note: When I post a Five Things list, often each entry in the list includes a bolded phrase. Usually, this bolded phrase is kind of the subject of the bullet point. I figure it makes it easier to parse the post and see what might be interesting to read about. I don't know if this is true. But what I do know is that people seem more inclined to respond to my Five Things posts when subjects are bolded than not, which I find a fascinating phenomenon from a usability standpoint.

Last night, I went to bed determined to have better dreams than I've had the last few nights. Instead, I had car dreams that are pretty clearly connected to work and my upcoming vacation.

First, I dreamed that my car was stolen. I was at an event of some kind and, when it was over, I went out to the parking lot and couldn't find my car. It wasn't where I left it. I saw Charles de Lint in a car pulling out and begged him for a lift. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Next thing I know, I'm in an underground garage. In the dream, this is the garage of the apartment building in which I live, an upscale place in some undetermined city. My car, in this dream, was something like a pick-up truck—bigger than anything I've ever owned. But I couldn't get it out because the entrance and the exit to the floor upon which it was parked were jammed with people's extra furniture. And even as I roamed around, frustrated about not being able to get out, more and more people brought in furniture that blocked the ramps, until the place looked like an antiques shop. I was alternately angry about not being able to get out, and intrigued by the stuff people were shoving into place.

Basically, this is all about how the more I try to finish up stuff at the office before I take my vacation, the more people push stuff onto my plate to take care of. It's an interesting and not inappropriate metaphor. But these dreams are not what I was hoping for last night, and Zeke woke me twice during the night for cuddles, which means I'm not well-rested today. ::sigh:: Back to the salt mines....

1) My birthday is tomorrow and I still don't know what I want to do with the day. On the one hand, I feel like the best gift I could give myself is a trip to University Village for a haircut and a meeting at the Genius Bar to deal with my borked iPhoto (assuming appointments are available for each so close to the date). In other words, the best gift I could give myself is to feel better about how I look and to get a daily-use tool back in working order. On the other hand, I feel like I ought to go have an adventure somewhere, whether it's a trip to Woodland Park Zoo to see the new jaguar cubs or to sit on the beach and sun myself at Golden Gardens or maybe rent a car for the day and take a day trip: Centralia for antiquing (not that I need anything, mind) or somewhere I can take pictures (maybe the Skagit Wildlife Area. Treats, I suppose, are more the order of the day than practicality. Must make a decision soon, though. Last year my birthday was a perfect, perfect day, full of celebration; this year I want to be fairly low-key--just simple.

2) Last night, I went with varina8 to see Fill the Void at SIFF, an Israeli film made by a Haredi (Ultra-Orthodox Jewish) woman director with a cast and crew of both Haredi and secular members. It's a practically unprecedented project and a very, very good film. There was a lot of press about it when it first came out, which is how I first learned about it. (Excellent interview with the director and with the star of the film.) It tells the story of a young woman, Shira, who's about to get married when her older, married sister dies in childbirth. When her brother-in-law tells the family he's going to take the new baby and move to Belgium to marry again, Shira's mother, unable to deal with this second loss, proposes he stay and marry Shira instead. Shira must choose what she's going to do. The film is sensitive and beautifully shot, with lovely, understated performances. It's won all sorts of awards and, I think, deserved the recognition. Recommended.

3) Sophie's had digestive issues lately. An impromptu visit to the vet on Saturday resulted in getting some medication for her. I know she's OK; her behavior is otherwise normal and healthy. But she's clearly had digestive distress. I'm glad I could take the time to get her looked at.

4) Zeke broke the malachite lion figurine that I brought home from Kenya. I'll be getting out the epoxy to fix it. I have something else I have to fix that way, too.

5) It's busy, stressful days at work right now. I'm trying so hard to be focused and productive, but there's stuff all around that's distracting, stressful, personalities at the office who intend to help but just make things more fraught. It's the way of business, I know. Generally speaking, I'm liking the work and the people. It's just a tough time there right now. I'm going away for the weekend in two weeks; I can't wait for the break.

I did the math. Since 1997, I've worked almost nowhere but Microsoft. Subtract out 2 years and 9 months at other companies, and about 3 years of unemployment (!), and that totals about 10 years at the company as a full-timer or contractor/vendor. Give or take a couple of months and that's about as long as I was at Bantam. I've worked in five different groups--both business-to-business and business-to-consumer--and out of all that, I've only had one supervisor that I didn't really work well with. Other than that, all of my experiences there have been anywhere from not bad to exceptionally good.

Today was my second-to-last day in my current group, the Legal and Corporate Affairs team. One coworker gave me a couple of sweet farewell gifts: a cat toy for the kitties and a really pretty blank notebook with a William Morris pattern on the cover. At lunchtime, I went out for dim sum with some of my coworkers and tried to finish wrapping up my projects; I have a little more to do tomorrow and then I'm done. Because of a super-early meeting, I was able to leave the office a little early, so I went over to the company store to pick up a couple of souvenirs. I really wanted a hoodie or a tee shirt, but nothing in the current styles appealed to me, and at the prices they were charging, I couldn't justify spending money on something I didn't love. Instead, I picked up some pens, a magnet, a water bottle and a couple of other little things. And then I drove home.

I won't miss the commute.

But it's just odd to think about not working at Microsoft. I've learned so much there. It's going to be challenging to be the new kid in a new environment. I want that challenge; I want to stretch my muscles in a new situation. At the same time, I admit to feeling wistful about my departure, nervous about moving forward. I like my team and I like the work (even though sometimes it felt like there wasn't quite enough). The Microsoft campus I work at is very green and pretty. It's a pretty cushy set-up in a lot of ways. I can't help thinking of the last time I worked somewhere that wasn't Microsoft--it was a nightmare. It's looking like this situation is going to be very different indeed.

I'll enjoy my last day at the Large Software Company in Redmond (as so many job ads describe it), and then I'll move on. I shouldn't worry. This new opportunity feels like a good move and I'm looking forward to it. At the same time, I have been told very clearly by my agency and by my team that if things don't work out in the new job, I have but to say the word and I'll have a place at Microsoft again. It's nice to know I've left a positive impression.

"What the future holds, no one can know, but forward we look, and forward we go."

Bless me, LJ, for I have sinned. It's been a week since my last entry. I've been crazy busy, fighting off pre-trip anxiety (a battle nearly won at this point) and trying to wrap up freelance work.

Had dinner last night with SA at Oddfellows, a restaurant in Capitol Hill right next to Elliott Bay Books, which I'd never noticed before. We ate a most excellent and tasty meal in the courtyard, and then went to the bookstore to poke around a bit.

This morning, I had a delicious seafood brunch at Salty's with brumbjorn and her husband, neither of whom I've seen in far too long.

The rest of the day was spent writing for and editing the freelance project, and dealing with the trip anxiety by acquiring that which was needful. I'm feeling like a shopping goddess because I hit Goodwill and found an adorable embroidered jacket to keep me warm ($12), khakis that will travel well ($3) and, at REI, a bag that will fit my camera nicely without looking like a camera bag (15% off at REI). Now I just need to get a couple of pairs of tights and I'll be good to go.

Remember a couple of weeks back when I mentioned that the book I edited on last year for Open Design, the Complete Kobold Guide to Game Design, had been nominated for an ENnie for Best RPG-Related Product? Well, I just got the news: WE WON! A big, enormous shout-out to the_monkey_king for conceiving of the project (and writing a large portion of it) and to all the writers who contributed. We did good work.

And here's photographic evidence:

Scene: Coworker and I are in instant messaging discussing the movement of a new website from the sandbox (the location where we build the site) to the live site (where it will be available for company employees to see and use). This process is called migration. I've just completed the final phase before next week's release.

Coworker: You are now ready for the Great Migration!
Me: Hee
Coworker: I'll have lots of coffee in the morning on Monday so I'll be ready to help.
Me: Will there be wildebeests?
Coworker: YES
Me: YAY! Wildebeests! And coffee, just in case. :)
Coworker: Yes. It's a little known fact that wildebeests require great quantities of coffee just prior to migrating.
Me: Who knew?
Coworker: No one knows how they carry their coffee mugs. A great mystery of science.
OK, Friday lunacy is taking hold...
Me: We should launch a research project on wildebeests, coffee, and Friday lunacy. Perhaps they are related.
Coworker: Excellent hypothesis! I wonder if we can get a grant.

So if any of you know anyone providing grants for wildebeests and caffeine research, please let me know.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled LJ.

I experienced what I can only call season shock this morning. I got up; the clock said 6:55 AM. I went into the kitchen to put on water for tea, looked out the window, and thought, Why is it so dark? Oh my God, what's happened?

And then I realized that it's early October. Dark is normal. ::sigh:: It actually took me a couple of minutes to calm down.

I think my panic is attributable to not being quite awake yet. But it was quite real, quite sudden, and kind of scary. Apparently I'm not ready for autumn, even though I spent some time last night at Paint the Town, painting a ceramic pumpkin, a seasonal activity that I'm not likely to do at any other time of the year. (I needed to get out of the house. I wanted to do something crafty, something that wasn't sitting and looking at a computer screen, which is what I did all day yesterday, working on a manuscript.) I had this reaction despite, two nights ago, switching out my summer quilt for my down comforter. It's not like I didn't know that autumn is here.

Other signs that autumn is here: My calendar has photographs of pumpkins on it. We're in the midst of the High Holidays. It's also time for me to renew my SIFF membership. And I have shifts coming up for KUOW's autumn pledge drive this week, which I'm looking forward to.

I've been working since 7 AM and the sun has risen, though it's not making much of a show of itself, what with the overcast. I've been drinking tea from my disappearing-TARDIS mug. And laundry is in the dryer. Guess the day has begun.

1) State of the scarlettina: The broken toes hurt but not like they did at the beginning of the week (except for last night, which I'll get to in a minute). What's been happening the last couple of days is that the soft tissue damage is making itself apparent. I have soreness all along where I was thrown against the seat belt, and some new soreness in my left shoulder, specifically the deltoid muscle--very peculiar. The gash along my neck is healing well. I'm spending a lot of time with ice packs and ibuprofen. And friends, which is the good part.

2) I'm officially unemployed. I'll be turning in my computer and stuff sometime early in the week. I'm sad about having to leave Ombrella but, without an assignment for me, they can't keep me on. I'm curious to see how much COBRA will cost this time out and if I can afford it. I am very specifically not looking forward to getting back onto the treadmill of qualifying for unemployment benefits, but it's the only way I can survive right now. I've already started the job hunt and have a couple of possibilities cooking, including more freelance work. We'll see what happens.

3) I'm antsy. I want to exercise but the foot is making it difficult even to walk very far. When I went out to dinner with friends last night, I thought I was doing OK, but I woke in the middle of the night with severe foot pain. Perhaps I overdid it. And it makes me rethink my plan for today.

4) My plan for today was to spend some time at Foolscap, seeing as how I'm on the committee and have paid for my membership and all. I've worked hard on it and I'd like to go enjoy it. But the way I woke up last night was deeply unpleasant and extremely painful. I finally have a rental car and can get around and I've been dealing with pretty serious cabin fever, but I admit some trepidation about overdoing it. I didn't think that going out for dinner would be an overexertion, but apparently it was.

5) That said, I'm in serious need of distraction. Serious need. I think I should shower and have second breakfast (breakfast consisted of a half cup of cereal, a quarter cup of soy milk, and a cup of OJ--this is not enough). I'll be clearer then and will have the proper tools to address the day.

1) At Weight Watchers last night, I hit my next milestone: I've lost 25 pounds. For some reason, last night it hit me--in a way it never has before--that it's going to take a long time to get to my goal. When I said this to my leader, she asked me, "As compared to what?" which was a good point. It will take as long as it takes. It certainly took a long time to put all the weight on. I have all the tools I need to lose the weight, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten this far. I need to have confidence in myself, in the tools, and the process, and just stay the course.

2) Work has been super stressful this week and last due to conflicting guidance received from our clients. We have been asked to redo work as a result, which has put a strain on the team in order to make our deadlines. This, on top of the fact that this release is larger than any we've received from them in a while, has made for a difficult time. Furthermore, things are changing at the office and with our client, and my job will be changing as well, though I have no idea what it's heading toward. There are signs of interesting things to come, but the shape and direction are still amorphous, which makes me nervous. Predictably, that's enormously stressful as well.

3) My gall bladder surgery is tomorrow, and in between intense bouts of day-job work, I've been trying to prepare the house so that it's navigable and manageable by someone other than me. I have company coming in to keep an eye on me post-surgery and I need to make sure there are empty surfaces, clean dishes, uncluttered floors; I need to minimize allergens, and so forth. There's a lot going on here.

4) I have freelance work to do, which I got a start on this weekend, but with everything else that's been happening, I didn't get as much done as I'd hoped, and now I'm worried about that, too. A friend attempted to massage my shoulders on Sunday evening and told me that my shoulder muscles wouldn't move at all. Wonder if I'm stressed out. Ya think?

5) The Seattle International Film Festival is nearly in full swing. I've chosen the movies I want to see; I just need to commit to my tickets. (I have vouchers; I need to assign them to particular films.) That's on the docket for today because if I don't do it today, I risk not getting into some of the movies I really want to see.

Busy, busy, busy. And now...to work.