Scarlett Letters

Haven't mentioned it previously, but now that I'm here, I will: I'm on Long Island for the holidays. After the year I've had, despite the stupid amount of money it costs, I decided that I really wanted to see my family. So as I type, I'm sitting in bed at my brother and sister-in-law's house on Long Island, and am very glad to be here.

Both flights--red-eyes--were . . . challenging for different reasons. The first (Seattle to Minneapolis departing at 12:30 AM) featured a child no more than a year old crying and screaming for most of the trip. No matter what her mother did, she as inconsolable. Very little sleep was had. The second (Minneapolis to LGA) featured a beautifully dressed older woman as my seatmate who it became clear about a half hour into the flight was suffering from some sort of memory loss. She'd have the same conversation and ask the same questions over and over again. Her husband was sitting four rows behind us. She was very sweet, obviously of good and kind heart, but clearly unaware that she wasn't fully with it--and obviously wanted to be social. After I realized that I wouldn't get any sleep on this leg of the trip either, I decided to try to help out as much as I could and gamely participated in the conversation she obviously wanted to have. At the end of the flight, she pointed out her husband to me, who gave me a look that meant he understood and appreciated my help. I don't know whether they had failed to choose their seats when they purchased their plane tickets and thus gotten separated, or if he had deliberately taken the opportunity for a little respite from what must be a tough caretaker role, but his expression suggested he knew it had probably not been the flight I'd hoped to have. I helped her get her coat and the right bag and made sure they connected before I took off. So sleep wasn't something I got much of on my red-eye flights.

My brother S picked me up from the airport, took me to lunch at a classic Long Island diner (which I loved), and then got me back to the house. My sister-in-law M, niece V and I caught up, we eventually had dinner, and then V and I made Christmas cookies. Doing this without a rolling pin and with dough that wasn't as cold as it should have been was entertaining. When we were done, I helped her study for her science test, introducing her to the idea of mnemonics and suggesting that rather than just memorizing words she look up pictures and definitions. It helped. This morning, M and I are going out for breakfast and then a little last minute holiday shopping.

The weather is incredibly mild; I may have brought clothes too warm for the trip. It's in the 40s here, with a promise of no precipitation until Saturday, I believe.

M and S recently bought a new house in the same development they've been living in for several years now. They wanted a larger unit, given that V is now a teenager. The new house is still a work in progress--but the progress they have made has been impressive, with some new appliances and a new tiled backsplash in the kitchen that my brother installed himself; it's gorgeous. It looks like a contractor did it. V's room is complete in beachy blues and whites. They had new lights installed in the living room, and opened up the kitchen a bit so that they've now got a breakfast bar and the space feels very open and social. So the place is at least ready enough for the 14 family members coming over on Christmas day.

I'm generally feeling good and have laughed a LOT, which is something I've really been needing. Also, everyone is very huggy and loving, and that's been healing. It's especially been satisfying to be around my brother, whom I know so well and who knows me so well that the jokes and the glances come fast and furious and communication is at once very verbal and almost completely nonverbal at the same time. I have that with very few people in my life and it's a gift. It's also been satisfying and validating to be with my niece, for whom I'm apparently the cool aunt.

I'm staying in what they call the play room, which is a third bedroom that V uses for hanging out and socializing with friends. The futon has a memory-foam mattress and soft covers and is tolerably comfortable. V has her own Christmas tree in here with a little nativity scene at the base, situated right next to an exercise machine. In the dark, the thing looks like an antlered demon looming over the bed. It freaked me out when I woke up halfway through the night.

It's time for me to get up now, and get the day started. I'm trying not to be self conscious about the weight I've gained and the hair I've lost; it's hard. These things will be resolved in time, one way or another. I've got to be here now and not let them get in the way. I love my family. They love me. And I'm going to bask in every moment of that for as long as I can.

FAQs:
Will you be coming into the city while you're here?
Sadly, no. Much as I'd like to, I don't have the time or the transportation required.
Doesn't that make you crazy? You have friends there, and there's theater and museums and and and . . .
Yes. Please don't rub it in. :: sigh ::
What about the friends in Nassau?
Again no time or transportation. You're killing me here.
Do you sound like you're from Long Island again?
Yep. That didn't take very long at all. It's my sister-in-law's fault. We'll have cawfee and tawk.

Baby, it's cold outside It's finally feeling like winter. Am I celebrating? No. It's just . . . well, it's December and it's finally cold. Reality is catching up with the conceptual template of our calendar. I may not have enough warm clothes of the proper size to wear this season. I really do need to clean up the bedroom, shop in my closet and see what's what.

Only crazy people travel at Christmas time In a nod to my emotional needs, I've gotten plane tickets to visit the family for Christmas and Chanukah despite my dislike for traveling at this time of year (with all the amateurs) and despite the fact that I shouldn't be spending such money when I'm still paying off August's medical adventure. Given that my brother and sister-in-law have made the typical Long Island marriage (he's Jewish, she's Italian), we'll be celebrating both Chanukah and Christmas, and we'll be doing much of it with her big Italian family. It should be fun, and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone.

If you don't fit the work, make the work fit you I've started to do informational interviews at the day job to understand what my career movement options are in-house before I start looking elsewhere. It has been suggested that I have the chops for (watch out: technical jargon ahead) product owner, program manager or business analyst. Business analyst is beginning to appeal to the part of me that enjoys taking things apart, understanding them and putting them back together again in more efficient, effective ways (not unlike book editing). More research to do on this front, but it's helping to alleviate the dissatisfaction and frustration I've been feeling at the day job.

Color my world Painting group was last night and I think I may have said everything I wanted to say on the canvas I was working on. I've asked the instructor to get me another canvas to work on. I'm not going to start on the new one until I look at the current work one last time to make sure I'm really done with it. I tried some new materials and techniques last night (working with a high-flow paint that feathers beautifully when squirted with water) and want to see how it all dries and resolves. Things are sparking in my head, and I'm liking the sensation.

Gemstone jam I may or may not have mentioned here that I'm going to be a vendor at the company holiday craft fair. I'm generating jewelry, but it's going more slowly than I need it to, and the fair is barreling down upon me. It has occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time making elaborately pretty things, but I need to make some really simple things that will be less expensive. Tonight I need to put together some simple, easy pendants. But this means going over to Fusion Beads to spend money on chain and cord. :: sigh :: I'll never make back the money I'm spending on this experiment. It's a worthy experiment but it's a costly one.

Several friends have mentioned to me this week that they had attended Chanukah parties. These friends are all far away. No one locally is having Chanukah parties; such a small percentage of my local friends are Jewish, and most of them are involved with their families. No parties were in the offing. So yesterday, as is so often the case when I want to have a Thing, I decided to have a Chanukah/latke party this afternoon for myself, which is what I did.

I invited about 10 people over, only one of whom is actually a member of the tribe (that being my most fine and precious suricattus). She brought delicious home-made apple sauce. EB and CH brought Martinelli's Sparkling Cider. varina8 brought veggies and hummus. I made and served many latkes. I lit my chanukiah. I read everyone a charming little picture book called "The Hanukkah Mice." And I enjoyed the company of my friends. It was a goodness.



And now the house is quiet and still, and smells like latkes. It was quiet and still before the party and I felt terribly lonely. I don't quite feel that way now, but I'm not ready to go to bed. Perhaps I'll read for a while and then hit the sack. I hope the kitties come to sleep with me. It's always better when they're both there.

Had a perfectly lovely Thanksgiving with J&KG at their place with the usual suspects and with the usual fantastic feast--turkey by our hosts, sides and desserts by the guests. I contributed my apple-crusted sweet-potato casserole, but the traditional turkey was also accompanied by mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, two kinds of dressing, mushrooms, green beans, delicious dinner rolls, salad, and several kinds of wine. Dessert was cheesecake, pumpkin pie and apple pie (I had only the apple; I was thoroughly well fed); vanilla bean ice cream was available as a pi accompaniment. And more wine because . . . wine. Conversation was excellent as always, the most contentious subject perhaps having been opinions about the quality of Star Trek: Into Darkness. I love my friends and so I will not judge them by their taste in this matter. :-)

Today's pledge of rededication is a promise to myself to take better care of myself. I have let my vigilance about food and exercise slip (evidence of which is already becoming clear to me). Other kinds of self care must become a priority as well: dental care, vision care. If I am to be a good friend, sibling, companion to my cats, I must attend to myself so that I can be present and available for everyone else.

1) I have a long list of books about which I want to post capsule reviews. Suspect this won't happen until the long weekend.

2) How can Chanukah be starting tomorrow night? It's not even December yet! On the upside, I got my brother's holiday gifts out the door early enough to be there for him as the days tick by.

3) The last two mornings, the fog locally has been so thick that visibility has been less than a block. As I look out the balcony door, I can see as far as the cabin behind a house two doors down. Beyond that, the fog casts a white blanket over the neighborhood so thick that Cthulu might sleep just beyond its edge and I'd never know.

4) I yearn for the long weekend. With our annual Thanksgiving feast in Kent on Thursday, some crafty plans for Friday and no plans at all for Saturday and Sunday, I want very much to Be There already.

5) I have this seed of an idea for a post on belief in God, spurred partly by jaylake's musings on the difference between faith and science, and the questions each answers, but I have to get dressed so I can catch the 8:30ish bus. Oh dear, how the time flies!

1) Had a really great holiday weekend. Attended varina8's Post-Apocalyptic Solstice Gathering. Had delicious dim sum on the day before Christmas with a group of friends at Jade Garden in the International District and then saw Life of Pi with oldmangrumpus. And then had dinner on Christmas Day with grubbstreet, his lovely bride, and a cast of delightful irregular regulars. I feel as though we rang this holiday weekend for all it was worth.

2) Having observed the traditional practice of Chinese food and a movie on Christmas, I am delighted to learn that "a lost Talmudic tractate has been discovered that answers age-old rabbinic questions about the appropriate way for Jews to fully accomplish the obligations associated with eating Chinese food on December 24th/25th." In something of a rare occurrence, I have, for once, correctly practiced a mitzvah, according to the rabbis. I await the discovery of the Tractate Cinema to be sure that I've accomplished both mitzvot appropriately.

3) I am down to the last two calendar pages in my Moleskine calendar notebook for the year. They are remarkably blank. I don't know whether to make a point to fill them up or to keep them blank to ensure some quiet time for reading, cleaning, and contemplation, all of which I'd like to have. I look to next year's notebook with anticipation, all clean and pristine, yet unblemished by a year's worth of jostling about in my pocketbook and note-making in restaurants and coffee shops, among other things.

4) Life of Pi was an absolutely beautiful movie. Visually it was just stunning and the story, with its twist ending, is remarkable. While I don't think anyone is going to be nominated for an acting Oscar, I wouldn't be surprised to see a raft of technical award nominations for the film. Ang Lee has created something quite special and used 3D in the best possible way. I enjoyed the movie quite a bit.

5) There's still a whole list of movies I want to see. Let's see: Django Unchained, Les Miserables, Argo, Flight, Hitchcock, Anna Karenina, The Sessions, Chasing Ice. I've already seen Skyfall which I thought was one of the best Bond films we've had in a while, Lincoln which was remarkable and which I may have to see again, and The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey which was overlong, self-indulgent and yet still entertaining and well worth seeing (though I don't expect to see it again in the theater even though Richard Armitage alone is worth spending the money to see). Previews and Streisand made me want to see The Guilt Trip for its sheer ridiculousness, but given its Rotten Tomatoes rating, I don't think I'll be able to make myself do it. I'm also trying to find a way to make myself find Silver Linings Playbook more appealing since it's getting all sorts of Oscar buzz, but I haven't been successful so far. It has been suggested that I see Holy Motors; I need to learn more about it first.

Plus one: Rest in peace, Mr. Jack Klugman. I grew up watching "The Odd Couple" on television, with Klugman's joyously schlubby presence the perfect foil for Tony Randall's fuss-budget persnicketiness. I grew to really respect him not for his comedy but for the humanity he brought to his dramatic roles. He was a terrific actor and I loved watching him whenever the chance presented itself. Thanks for hours of entertainment, Mr. Klugman, as well as for your activist work connected to the Orphan Drug Act. You made a difference in the world, an admirable legacy indeed.

In a world where turkeys are massacred once a year to satiate the appetites of millions . . . where pots, pans, and implements of preparation rend the flesh that those millions will consume, the greatest horror yet waits in the night.

When morning comes in the wake of the Great Consumption, those millions awake to the final devastation: kitchens everywhere . . . piled with cookery yet unclean. They prepare themselves, resolutely strapping on aprons and approaching their sinks with mouths set and shoulders squared to face . . . The Scrubbing.


This, my friends, is the morning that awaits me. I don't actually have a lot to scrub, as I washed up the remains of the dish I prepared yesterday, but I left one or two things to soak overnight. It shouldn't be that bad. Nevertheless, I too will resolutely strap on my apron because, on the morning after, the price must be paid.)

...and when I say "rainy," I mean torrential downpour. It's been raining hard and steadily for the hour that I've been awake. There is little less encouraging for the freeway commuter than hard-falling rain.

I was supposed to be productive this weekend. Mostly what I was, when I wasn't being the steward of a feline or sociably engaged, was vegetative. I just couldn't wrap my head around the many things that I need to get done. I also had a holiday anxiety attack, in that Chanukah starts far sooner than usual, and I'm nowhere near done with Chanukah shopping, mainly for my brother. I ran out last night and got a little done; more to be done today after work.

This year, with its trauma and grief and, yes, wonder and delights, has flown. I'm still not ready for the holidays--and yet Thanksgiving is Thursday. Gee.

The revolution will be tweeted (via suricattus)

There's always one. What happens when you fire a gun near fireworks? The Kitsap Peninsula here in Washington state got an early fireworks show. Not quite Darwin-awards level of stupid but damn close.

USA.gov offers some fun facts about the Fourth of July.

Must poke around my closet this morning to see if I have anything to wear that is chromatically appropriate for the day. (This is a long tradition of mine. I look good in red, white, and blue, and I believe I still have star-shaped silver earrings.) Must also run errands (oooh--groceries!). A lunch engagement and a game day are on the docket, with the possible addition of fireworks since, you know, they blow things up only a few blocks from my house every year. Seems silly not to go out and enjoy it.

Happy Independence Day!

It's all already becoming a blur, frankly. We've been going nonstop for two days, and I barely know where I am. Here are the things that are currently standing out in my memory.

According to my sister-in-law, before my visit, my eight-year-old niece wasn't counting down to Christmas; she was counting down to the day I arrived. Apparently she's more excited by me than her other two aunts. I think it's because I'm far away, I send her stuff, and she doesn't get to see me often. My brother and sister-in-law think it's because when I'm here, I actually pay attention to her. Could be. Also, I'm silly. This also seems to be true of her cousins, all of whom were excited to see me, and all of whom called me "Aunt scarlettina." It's nice.

At Christmas eve dinner:
I bring out the apple-crusted sweet potato casserole.
Guest: Wow, that looks great!
Janna: I slaved over it.
Guest: Hey, give me some of the Slave Casserole!
And for the rest of the night (and probably forever), my sweet and delicious side dish was and will be known as Slave Casserole.

Also? The lamb roast I made was a huge hit.

The Slave Casserole calls for five pounds of sweet potatoes. In Seattle, you can get sweet potatoes that are practically a pound per potato. My brother came home from the grocery store with four sacks of fist-sized sweet potatoes that added up to five pounds. When I say that I slaved over that casserole, I wasn't kidding. You know what it's like to cook and scoop out five pounds of fist-sized potatoes? Holy cats!

My brother went on for about 20 minutes about the special crackers he'd gotten for serving the cheese before Christmas eve dinner. He finally brought them out. They were Soylent Green crackers. I smiled and chuckled--and he was vastly disappointed with my reaction. He thought I'd be hysterical. What he didn't know was that I'd bought him a tee shirt that said, "Soylent Green: Recycling is in Your Future." He understood when he saw the shirt. When I opened my first gift this morning, it was a box of Soylent Green Crackers. It was our Very Soylent Christmas.

I introduced my niece to Simon's Cat. She was tickled, as was my brother.

My sister-in-law, the pediatric speech pathologist and Mary Kay consultant, gave me a super-quick facial which, as it turned out, was a preview of some of my holiday gifts. Looks like I may become a Mary Kay regular for some of this stuff. Good bonding time with her, too, which I was pleased for.

On Christmas eve, my niece prepared cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, then she went to bed. My brother took the bowl of carrots, went out onto the patio, crunched on some of the carrots and scattered them around the yard. He took bites of the two cookies and spread some crumbs on the coffee table, then sipped the milk. This morning, my niece went to the coffee table, and then I "noticed" the carroty mess beyond the sliding doors. She went and looked outside and grinned from ear to ear.

Everyone has been impressed with my weight loss. It's been nice to get the extreme reaction, since no one here has seen me since last April. Feelin' good about that.

Lastly, I must remember to post in detail about my brother's very special Chanukah present. Can't forget that, because it brought a tear to everyone's eye this morning, but I'm too tired tonight to do the story justice. But . . . must remember.

And now . . . to bed.